 THE MYSTERY OF ss # 6
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“Great marriages are graced by an almost mystical bond of friendship, unbreakable commitment, and deep understanding that nearly defies explanation. A great marriage occurs when a man and a woman, being separate and distinct individuals, are fused into a single unit which the bible calls ‘one flesh’” (Dr. J. D.). An absolute sound quote by Dr. James Dobson, so sound it is that by his confession, most don’t even have a clue about the mystery of it. If one were to even get a glimpse at it, the divorce rate would be zero and sexual promiscuity non-existent. If Dr. Dobson could only confess that it defies explanation, how much for the rest of us who can’t even come near his level of understanding? This is the intent of this Sexuality Series, fully unmasking the mystery of Marriage and sex. What you might hear you’ve probably never heard before and probably seem unbiblical and shocking. However, it’s content is irrefutably true and very biblical. Paul taught us, “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. THIS IS A GREAT MYSTERY: but I [can’t stop to explain it or go off on a tangent, I’m trying to] speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph 5:31-32). Unfortunately Paul mentioned that the institution of Marriage was a great mystery and “fail” to explain this mystery to us. Extremely saddened that he didn’t but fortunate to get bits of it from the Lord. Let’s start with Christ’s said narration of it as well, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh” (Matt 19:5-6). The key here is “one flesh,” if he said we were one in spirit that would be understandable, but he said two flesh become one. It means then that once you are joined to another person you and that person become one person, so to speak, indistinguishable before God and other wise. Join to another person doesn’t necessarily means a marriage only, but as learnt in another Sexuality Series, number 2, marriage really occurs at consummation (sex) and hence sex is the joining of two individuals, as Paul confessed, “know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh” (1 Cor 6:16). That is what solidifies the marriage after the ceremony. So strong is this union that if while you are married and “marry another [you] committeh adultery; and whose marrieth her which is put away doth committeh adultery” (Matt 19:9). Now impose this on the fact that casual sex is synonymous to marriage, it then means everyone you have sex with you are married to them and become one with them, not to mention in “adultery.” An unbroken connection of “one-fleshness” with several people, especially when you don’t know you are married to them and hence no “ritual” of divorcement or cutting off. Now, becoming one flesh with someone is literally being intertwined with that person yet “separate.” The person’s hand is your hand, their feet are yours, their mind is your mind and vice versa. We as humans haven’t really tapped into this as yet - though you have occasions were one spouse feel the physical pain of another at the time it was inflicted, yet miles apart. I say we as humans haven’t tapped into it as yet, but there is one called satan and he could be fully utilizing it: which, separate and apart from the moral breakdown and our nature, is the cause for the frequent elicit sex craze and its mandate in true satanic churches. Because if through sex a group of people can have an unnatural “one-fleshness” then it means they are not their own but belong to the individuals. If one individual, a fallen angel in flesh, in that group has the power to manipulate all others through the God institution of marriage (consummated sex), then he has a great power over a great many people, somewhat legally. That also could be the reason satanic concerts, mass and ‘church’ services have open frequent sex. In fact, in the real satanic churches there is a female at the altar in a sexual position where members can have sex with her during the service at will: And why satanists in concerts (Marilyn Mansion probably) give a command for open sex to the audience. All satan or any of his angels has to do is have sex with one person and that person has sex with another and so on, in the same way HIV Aids is spread. Through the “one-fleshness” institution put in place by God, he not only can easily control and manipulate your mind, it “legally” belongs to him, as a wife legally belongs to her husband, she is not her own (Rom 7:2, 1 Cor 7:4). This is how serious having casual sex can hamper you. Now that all in the group belongs to him legally, he can manipulate you from a distance. The only thing this comes close to is God in all of us saints, yet he is one. It might seem far fetch to you, but he’s not as stupid as he is, especially when we have not a clue of the mystery of marriage and sex. Before Adam’s fall we probably had the ability to communicate with our spouse telepathically. Imagine my wife in Mexico and me in Florida and she said in her mind to me, “Honey, I feel a pain in my side are you hurt?” I replied in my mind, “Yes, I fell on the handle of my jeep knapsack stroller, but I’m fine.” This is the sort of oneness we probably had, yet have, but cannot tap into it after Adam’s fall, probably only through the abominable witchcraft. However, satan and those like him, through their cunning could have mastered this for the pass six thousand years of mankind, even further, on a mass scale level. Gives a new meaning to staying a virgin now, doesn’t it, and also marrying a saved person? It’s not hard to understand if this verse is understood, “by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men” (Rom 5:12). So likewise, by one sexual relation all in that link are his and so passed upon all of them, like Aids. The only way to break from this link and never be joined to it is found in Roman 7:1-4, “Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth? For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.” When you become born again (Acts 2:38) you, my brethren, also are become dead to the satanic marriage and his “one-fleshness” by the body of Christ; now divorced from satan, he being dead by your salvation and cannot be resurrected, you are free to marry again and marry Christ. You’re now born again and cannot be unborn again (Heb 10:14), so you cannot be joined to him through sex with someone in his link again, he becomes dead by you being saved; and if your husband be dead you are free to marry again and marry God. Additionally, while in God we shouldn’t and cannot sin by fornication or adultery (1 John 5:18,1 John 3:6-10). This “one-fleshness” is so real and spiritually cohesive that this fact is overlooked in Christendom, and for various reasons should continue being overlooked; heeding the verse that says, “speak thou the things which become sound doctrine” (Titus 2:1). This fact that is overlooked is, the saved wife, under ceremonial marriage before a godly minister and with consummation, can justify her unsaved husband; because they literally become one flesh, not just consummation but covenant before God. The scripture on it says, "And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy" (1 Cor 7:13-14). To sanctify equals to justify which is synonymous to salvation, so the save wife automatically makes the unsaved man save by the union. Shocking isn’t it, don’t quote me! You might say, why not the saved become unsaved by this union? Because the greater is overcome by the lesser, and one cannot be made unsaved (Heb 10:14). You might also say, what about joining to a harlot, as the bible says? It would follow mostly for those who are already unsaved and married, plus, not just consummated ‘one-fleshness’ but also ceremonial oat before God: And if a sane person marry a harlot he or she would have given up the faith or the harlot gave up the practice and repent, as we are commanded not to be unequally yoked. What about until death do us part and at that point every man for themselves? The death do us part spoke of the two being separated into a new after life of being like the angels (Luke 20:35-36), not a separation of you and Christ. It is for reasons like these and hundreds more I could think of why I opt not to teach it and advise others not to, it wasn’t taught but subtly mentioned by Paul; whereby he simply concluded marriage as a “great mystery.” Nevertheless, it’s like the citizenship process of old, whereby once you marry a U.S. Citizen, you automatically become a U.S. Citizen or it’s sure, as against being born (again) one. In this case, your citizenship of Christ and heaven would be sure, because you are one and the same before God with someone who is already a citizen. But don’t ever quote me on this! Paul himself said, “to the rest speak I, not the Lord.” He knew the oracles, as he also has written “apocryphal” books, but not all things are good to speak or commanded to. He himself said some things are “not lawful for a man to utter” (2 Cor 12:4). BASIS OF LOVE, FRIENDSHIP AND COMPANIONSHIPYes, marriage prevents fornication (1 Cor 7:2). But before any marriage or relationship can be successful, it must have a solid basis of love. Any two person can become one, as previously seen and stated by Paul, but it takes love to fuel, maintain and ignite that oneness to the perfect union or marriage. Love is not lust or the false association we attribute to it via television and fad. “Love means the affirmation, not the possession of the one loved.” It’s unconditional and a commitment should be easy but involves decisions, and blossoms to the point that it cannot be lived without with the person you are in love with. This person supercedes all and becomes your best friend and chief life long companion – fused together with an unbroken trust. Unless this is achieved or clearly in sight, you’re only marrying for on-demand sex. Though nothing is wrong with two persons agreeing and marrying for this reason, it defeats the purpose of the union and promises to cause many untold troubles, to the point you will regret that you ever married. To clearly see what I’m talking about, the bible book of love must be brought into play; taken from Songs of Solomon 8:7, “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.” In other words, once this love is achieved it cannot be broken and marital problems will be easily overcomed with love and sometimes seems insignificant; whereby the scripture could have said, “for charity [“love”] shall cover the multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Real love is that all important cord in a marriage, simply because that person becomes an integral part of you; a functional makeup of your being that cannot be lived without, even if that person is found to be impotent, that person becomes your friend. And like the shullamite woman you can also conclude, “this is my beloved, and this is my friend…I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine” (Songs of Solomon 5:16,6:3). When this is achieved all things becomes secondary (looks, money, sex, performance, coherence, class, color, status, “being,” etc) and that person becomes unconditionally livable; not just a booty call. You become attached within the soul and only there has any bearing. To simply demonstrate, I had a Teddy bear (monkey) called David. He slept with me, eat with me, we even had talks and make belief playing. We were so attached that I physically beat up my cousin over her treating him bad. Over time he got torn, worn out, patched up, leaking fillings and old. More Teddy bears were brought in, bigger ones, more colorful, newer, more exotic, but I only loved David. When I spread my bed, he lied on it only and other Teddies were put up. He was less attractive, old, eyes gone, mouth sown up, etc, but we were attached and everything else was futile. Imagine that was a lifeless Teddy bear, how much more the relationship we should have with our spouse. Only true love can spawn this attachment – memories are created and souls are tied, everything else becomes futile and insignificant – hence, a mutually long satisfying relationship can foster. When they grow old, the lips look sown, eyes fall out, acting different, smelling different, younger advancing ones come on the scene, finances gone hare wired and all hell breaks loose, you only want that person, you only love that person regardless of. This must be sparked for marriage, for it’s not just sex, one might become sick and bed ridden and you have to clean them or change their underwear. Will you still find them attractive? Or, to a lesser extent, she might have a vaginal infection and it’s your pleasure to remind and apply the medicate cream for her. Or wash her underwear, or shave her leg, chew her food, dress her breast wound or even bath her when she’s tired with no intension for sex. You become attached. We call the monkeys and apes uncivilized, but some of the mating qualities they have (picking tics, grooming, etc) makes us look uncivilized. So this love and attachment fosters the very reason another sex was created, “And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Gen 2:18). And though one, “husbands and wives, celebrate your uniqueness and learn to compromise when male and female individuality collide” (Dr. J. D.). BETROTHAL AND ESPOUSALSOne scripture noted, “what man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her? Let him go and return unto his house, lest he die in the battle, and another man take her” (Due 20:7). There’s nothing wrong with betrothing a wife, either by yourself or parents. It’s not practiced that often today, except in Islam. Normally a parent would espouse a child to marry another within a different family when they grow up, with even compensation involved. In a loose sense, we kind of still do that under the notion of having a fiancé. Nothing is wrong with this, but the scripture in play give a good reason for a reservation in doing so, that is betrothals or long fiancé relationships. In one case, upon adulthood you might find that you don’t like the person betrothed to or even fall in love with someone else. Though the benefits of marrying into that family might be great, you will be at a disadvantage because you’re not attached, in love, with that person as seen in the previous section. Personally, I would rather live with someone I love than please my parent or maintain a status quo. In another case, you may have a long time fiancé, even a long distant relationship, and might grow apart rather than jell together while the “right person” was excluded during that period and moved on. Even worse, long fiancé relationships are not encourage because it will most often lead to promiscuity, unwed sex and other complications. Also, with parent betrothal comes high expectations that aren’t met, example, virginity. In the time that Mary was espoused to Joseph (Matt 1:19) and found pregnant, she would have been put to death; such disdain is still carried on today, with some justification. VIRGINITYThe greatest gift a person can give to another on their wedding night is a clean slate – a virgin bride or groom. “Mutual purity gives special meaning to sex in marriage. No other human being has invaded the secret world the two of you share, because you have reserved yourself exclusively for one another’s pleasure and love” (Dr. J. D.). So desirable is it that some women have begun to do a hymen reconstruction surgery. Joanie Cox states, “the procedure – which repairs the hymenal ring at the opening of a woman’s vagina usually broken during intercourse – leaves no visible scar and can be performed on women who have had intercourse only once. According to a recent report by Latina Magazine, the surgery has been performed thousands of times in Argentina, Ecuador and the Dominican Republic. And more and more women from Muslim countries such as Iraq, Iran and Egypt are coming to the United States, and especially to South Florida, for a hymenoplasty…On average, the surgery costs between $2,900 and $3,600.” (City Link, “Like a virgin,” picked up in 2004). The hymen is reconstructed because on first penetration of a woman’s vagina, the hymen breaks and bleeding occurs during sex. In older time, a white sheet was brought into the bedroom on the wedding day and the blood stained sheet was shown to the parents that the bride was indeed a virgin. However, though the hymen can be reconstructed, what is really pierced is the soul, tied to another, as previously discussed; which can only be reconstructed by God. Today, virginity is worth more than gold and extremely precious; on the same lines that constitute “Demand and Supply,” as in, it is very rare. Though it is the right, godly, healthy, wise and best thing to do. Those who have had themselves pierced through, even several times, by many, risk obtaining that perfect marriage. Because the Devil is a liar and don’t want you truly happy, he tells you the opposite to ruin your life completely; that is, sleep around then settle down, even worse, settle down with someone who has a clean slate; unfair to them. Flee this dangerous nightlife mentality and you might save your future marriage, health, psychological makeup, and your very life. Abstinence is the absolute very best. “Virginity before marriage is the best foundation. That’s the way the system was designed by the creator and no one has yet devised a way to improve on his plan…Enter the marriage bed as a virgin. If it’s too late to preserve your virginity, initiate a policy of abstinence today, and don’t waver from it until you are wed” (Dr. J. D.). ROLE OF HUSBANDTraditionally, from the secular world, the role of the husband to his wife has been one of a log, non-participant, receiver and not giver, and in everything except the literal sense, a consumer rather than a producer. This has been overtly reaffirmed in the comical media of shows like, “The Simpsons,” “Love and Marriage” with Al Bundy, “Family Guy,” ironically, “Everybody loves Raymond” and many others. It would seem the husband has no roles and the women are their maids. Though wives should be in submission and serve her husband, they too have roles and should serve their wives. She has needs and feelings too and not to be stimulated or programmed at will for on-demand pleasure or service. Marriage is a mutual relationship of each giving, regardless of who has the God given authority over who. We ourselves have a relationship with God, yet the relationship is mutual – we give to him and he gives to us, and this example makes it even clearer that the one with the authority gives more, as Christ gives to us more than we can give to him. Not here to debate the authority issue in this section, for that is solidified in Gen 3:16, 1 Cor 11:3 and Eph 5:23; but I’m here rather to prompt men to love their wives as Christ loves the church, with works, actions, non-sexual stimulation and pro-active affection. The bible also breaks this down for us in the following verses: 1)
Commanded
to Respect her: “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with
them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the
weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that
your prayers be not hindered” (1 Pet 3:7). In other words, she’s not
just your sex toy or meal preparer, she too is a Joint-heir with Christ
and should be honored and respected; to the point that Peter says withholding
such can hinder your prayers. 2)
Commanded
to love their wives: "Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That
he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot,
or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without
blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that
loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh;
but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church"
(Eph 5:25-29). Here it clearly mandates that husbands are not to take
advantage of their wives – treat them as a third party once a week pleasure
filler, beat them, emotionally scare them or treat them as children
– but love them. But it didn’t stop there, they are to be love and treated
as you would love and treat your own self. Not only pointing to the
“one-fleshness”, but the fact that you love yourself so much that you
take care of it to the utmost and should apply that to your wife. You
don’t beat yourself, deny it certain privileges, ostracize it or treat
it like an infant, so why should you do that to your wife? Love her
and like how you nourish your body and it shines and make you proud,
so she’ll shine and make you proud in more ways than one! To really
get a synopsis of what love is read Sexuality Series number 2. Also,
romancing her is utterly valuable. “For a man, romantic experiences
with his wife are warm and memorable - but not necessary. For a woman,
they are her lifeblood. A woman’s confidence, her sexual response, and
her zeal for living are often directly related to those tender moments
when she feels deeply loved and appreciated by her man. That is why
flowers and candy and cards are more meaningful to her than to him.
The way a woman feels about her husband sexually is a by-product of
their romantic relationship at the time. If a woman feels close to her
husband, loved by him, protected by him, then she is more likely to
desire him physically” (Dr. J. D.). 3)
Command
to Cheer up wife: “When a man hath taken a new wife,
he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business:
but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which
he hath taken” (Due 24:5). He is not to be detached from the feelings
of his wife. If she is sad, he should be sad and cheer her up. If she
has sexual needs, he should seek to fulfill that and not only when he
has those needs. Deuteronomy took it further by saying the man is not
even to go to war, even if drafted, if he just got married, but to pleasure
or fulfill the needs of his wife. In other words, she’s not some unemotional
“being” but has feelings and needs too and if you two are one, and that
is so, then her feelings, needs and concerns are yours too. Your hand
can’t be cut and feel pain and you don’t know or ignore it, seeing it
is apart of your body. An example of being concern of your wife’s needs
is seen in 1 Sam 1:8, “Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah,
why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved?”
He was so concerned that he watched her praying and stayed with her
through the moment until verse 18 said, “So the woman went her way,
and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad.” 4)
Command
to always be in love with her: “Let her be as the loving hind and
pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou
ravished always with her love” (Prov 5:19). Some men are married to
their women physically but their mind is on someone else’s breast or
body. Your mind has to be in the relationship for the life of the relationship,
as when you first fell in love. You can’t have your mind on someone
else and it not manifest or causes problems. Yes, there is the emotionally
damaging experience of calling someone else’s name during sex, but not
only sex is detached but everything else also is. The relationship becomes
detached and hence it is no relationship, but two people sharing a house.
In this sex driven society that is difficult, but if you first are in
love with the person you marry and become attached to her, then no matter
what else is seen she’ll always remain beautiful to you. Yes there is
marriage for those who are burning (I Cor 7:8-9), but you forfeit a
lot and even put marriage in jeopardy by not waiting, asking God and
applying discipline. 5)
Talk
with your wife on matters of decisions: In Genesis 31:4-16 Jacob got a command
from God to do something and has all the right to follow God’s command
without consulting his wife. But in respecting her, he explained the
entire ordeal before acting, to which Rachael wisely answered, “whatsoever
God hath said unto thee do.” 6)
Commanded
to be a provider: “But if any provide not for his own,
and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith,
and is worse than an infidel” (1 Tim 5:8). This is inherently known
and overtly vital as the scripture makes plain and if not done hampers
the other areas and somewhat make them non-effective. By Genesis 3:16,
it is a built-in desire of “women” to be attractive to a man that can
provide for them or in that capacity even if she makes money as well. 7) Commanded to protect her: “Take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth” (Mal 2:15); for both others and himself. This is not only inherently known but also inherent in a husband to protect his wife. However, be careful of becoming over-protective. These are simply roles that are expected to be upheld by any husband to his wife, which shall produce a long, meaningful and fruitful relationship. In addition, they are roles to his children which we shall not discuss but are inherently known and often not practiced – provision, care, listening ear, training them up godly, loving them, spending time with them, being involved and others. ROLE OF WIFEMost of the roles of women to their husband is generally known, but overtly need to be reaffirmed because such values are purposely being overridden; entrenched in feminism, new ageism and much “liberal” filth placarded in the media; especially saddened by the deceptive “preaching” of the show “Desperate House Wives.” And, unfortunately, some of this has been caused by husbands who violate their roles commanded above; which should never be an excuse for women to violate theirs. The bible also breaks down these roles for us in the following verses: 1)
Commanded
to be subject to their Husband: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection
to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may
without the word be won by the conversation of the wives” (1 Peter 3:1).
That is a clear command. Women are to be subject to their husbands,
even further, I might add, as we are subjected to Christ. Why? Because,
“the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of
the church…therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in everything…and the wife see
that she reverence her husband” (Eph 5:23,24 and 33). That’s all the
bible and its truth, it can’t get any plainer or simpler than that,
thoroughly self-explanatory. And if in reverence and subjection/submission
to their husbands they ought to be in obedience to them, as it also
follows that we are to be in obedience to God. Genesis 3:16 gave a good
expository on this. It related the same thing, “thy desire shall be
to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” So this mandate has been
in effect from the first man and woman. This was directly effected on
Eve after she made Adam and Humanity sin. God does things in order,
he dealt with the inherent head about not eating the fruit, Adam. Adam
in fear probably wouldn’t have eat the fruit, so the Devil tried Eve.
So after this Act, women are to consult in obedience to their husband
before doing anything. If this was in effect by natural instinct and
law before the snake event, probably Eve would have spoken to Adam before
eating the fruit. Giving Adam that reverence and he being led by God
would have said no. So to stop problems and keep out disharmony, women
are not only to consult with their husbands but obey them on their decisions
even if it is not with theirs, as husbands are the spiritual head of
wives; and in a good case, would lead from his head, Christ. You can
only disobey to obey God, for instance, he telling you to kill a genuine
saint or even to commit adultery. So then, women are to be “obedient
to their own husbands” (Titus 2:5). 2)
To
learn from their husbands: “And if they will learn any thing,
let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to
speak in the church” (1 Cor 14:35). This would seem a duty of husbands
to their wives, but some wives are “unteachable” and refuse to learn
from their saved husbands; even citing that only their pastor should
give them directives. But Paul overrides this and taught us that women
are to learn from their husbands and even ask to be taught. One of the
first steps of love is understanding and “your husband is no more equipped
to resolve your entire package of emotional needs than you are to become
his sexual dream machine every twenty-four hours. Both partners have
to settle for human foible and faults and irritability and occasional
nighttime headaches” (Dr. J. D.). 3) Command to be Femininely pious: “Women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things…To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good” (Titus 2:3-5). “Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things” (1 Tim 3:11). The first verse applies to all women and wives and the second was addressing ministers’ wives, but applicable to all. These basically sums up being a virtuous woman that translate into a virtuous wife, a woman who is wise and hence carry herself wisely. Such women are gifts from God, “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD” (Prov 19:14, 18:22).Such a woman is humble, dresses modestly, ambitious, quiet, not a tale bearer, not a gossiper, not a busy body, not raucous or vulgar, manages the home, grow up the child godly and complimentary to her husband; as the scripture says, “A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Prov 12:4). A good outline of such a virtuous woman can be found in Proverbs 31, “women” please read it. ROLE OF SEX IN MARRIAGEThe obvious role of sex in marriage is reproduction, but of course everyone would say no because of the sex craze and some couples don’t even want kids. However, the need to have sex (Rom 8:20) was put in us by God so we wouldn’t be snobbish and not reproduce – “I don’t have to have sex with you.” If this subjection was not in us the earth would hardly reproduce since Adam, if any, holding all things constant. If we weren’t subjected to become hungry we wouldn’t eat, as some sick people had to be force-fed or they die refusing to eat, sometimes because of worry. So God was the one who made us have this desire to have sex, so much so it is burning, obviously for the sake of reproduction. It would have to feel good and satisfying for that inherent desire to work: Like how the food has to be sumptuous or satisfying for us to eat it; not to mention that when you are extremely hungry all foods are sumptuous to you, be careful, for unlike food that you eat and pass out, a sexual partner is for life. So God can account for what he placed in us and quickly give mercy. Though mercy is given, he cannot account for homosexuality, for he didn’t make man that way and it is contrary to nature (Rom 1:26-27). Just to go off tangent, if it is contrary to nature, how did it come about? Obviously that natural subjection was channeled by an intelligent force into an artificial outlet (homosexuality, bestiality, etc). That intelligent force are devils, first recorded in Gen 6:4 leading to Sodom and Gomorrah, when they first decided to intermingle amongst men as humans. It since became a fad and quickly acceptable by the “evil,” though unnatural, ungodly and should cease. However, given the subjection to it, sex, it then has a place in marriage and serves as a unifying bond between a man and his wife; plus a constant fuse between them. It sparks intimacy and given today, keep the marriage alive, to the point that without it the marriage can fall apart. No wonder the bible cautioned us, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency” (1 Cor 7:5). As to the etiquettes of it, read Sexuality Series number 3, which to a married couple, is summed up in this verse, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled” (Heb 13:4). Meaning you can get as “nasty” and “freaky” as you wish, in marriage sex is undefiled. However, read Sexuality Series number 3 for guidelines. They are many things to spice up the bed room, your creativity is your only limitation, it satisfies your sexual needs and brings fun to each other; especially in bodily exploration through baths, sensuous massages, oral mapping and other non-intercourse elements we affectionately call fore-play and after-play. Be explorative, creative, imaginative and have fun. “It boils down to this: Women often give sex to get intimacy and men give intimacy to get sex” (Dr. J. D.). And lastly, be sensitive to your partner’s needs, he or she might not want to have sex now, probably just need to be held. REPRODUCTIONThis might seem like a simple topic, but too much or too soon can adversely affect a marriage. Though married, the couple might not be mature for kids or jelled enough yet. Wait a year before kids, for self-exploration. How can you wait if you’re having sex? Contraceptives might be an answer, but some contraceptives are abortive methods, and of course such should be avoided. The next is early withdrawal but that is not thoroughly successful. Condoms in marriage might work, but not desirable. The best thing is to pray about it and believe. The point is, unplanned pregnancy can adversely affect the marriage and child, but can be overcomed. If you’re married, you know you will have sex, so from the start be prepared, always expecting a child, so if one does come you can handle it. Abortion is not an option! However, they are several ways to prepare physically, financially, spiritually, psychologically and emotionally, so that you will always be ready if you get pregnant on the wedding night or 20 years down the line. If prepared, all your sexual engagements will be considered planned sex, as against unplanned sex. All this you should be pondering before a marriage and not just jump into it; as you can see, it is a big responsibility. CHILDREN AND ABORTION“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalms 127:3). They are a blessing from the Lord, but today, at least one parent has to be born again, “else where your children unclean, but now are they holy” (1 Cor 7:14). Children are cute, “void filling,” wonderful and great to have, but they are a responsibility. Your utmost responsibility is to “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). This means church attendance, piety, honesty, respect for all elders, love, home bible study, temprance, meekness, kept from ungodly living, kept from ungodly influence and trained to know the good and evil from the bible, and to choose the good; ultimately, to be saved themselves. You yourself must have a fear of God and mirror this piety Hannah expressed, “she vowed a vow, and said, O LORD of hosts, if thou wilt indeed look on the affliction of thine handmaid, and remember me, and not forget thine handmaid, but wilt give unto thine handmaid a man child, then I will give him unto the LORD all the days of his life” (1 Sam 1:11). In other words, give the child back to God. This doesn’t mean give him or her to a monastery, but to the ways of God and to hear from him. Such a child will bring you joy, happiness, fulfillment and blessings, “A wise son maketh a glad father…The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice” (Prov 10:1, Prov 23:24-25). Following biblical outlines with the heart of Hannah, you should then have a great parent child relationship with much joy and happiness; and hence no other directive is needed, regardless of the many books on raising kids, which most often eject the most vital ingredients – God. Next we go to something that needs teaching on, abortion, from a 2005 class presentation of mine.
“Abortion is a way to end pregnancy. Sometimes, an embryo or fetus stops developing and the body expels it. This is called spontaneous abortion or ‘miscarriage’. A woman can also choose to end a pregnancy. This is called induced abortion. There are three ways it can be done — with medicine, vacuum aspiration, or surgery.” The chances are high that a woman will have more than one unplanned pregnancy in the course of her lifetime. Nearly half of all U.S. women will have an abortion by the time they are 45 years old. More than six million women in the U.S. become pregnant every year. Half of those pregnancies are unintended. And 1.31 million end in abortion.” They are many reason someone chooses abortion, but not one single solitary one justify this murderous act. If you boil it down to the “nitty-gritty” it becomes obvious that Abortion is murder, because murder can only take place on something that is alive: As in termination of life. If you took a cord and tied it around my childhood teddy bear, hung him and said you killed it, you haven’t killed it because it was never alive. Now, can the same be said of the abortions done? Was the fetus or baby removed a lifeless teddy bear that no life was terminated for it to take place. If so, then abortion is okay, for you would be removing unwanted filth from the body, much like how you dodo. But it is not so, for life was present, growing and if not terminated would become a full grown adult someday. Hence, if life begun and it was purposely ended, then the act of murder was carried out on another human being. I used some strong terms, like “Alive.” Can the baby in womb be considered alive? One definition states, “Alive means that this being is growing, developing, maturing, and replacing its own dying cells. It means not being dead” (abortionfacts.com). This is certainly true of any fetus and we need not go into any other definitions, as in “Person” or “Human.” For being alive, constitute being a person and a human, for the fetus is not a dog fetus in a human mother, God forbid, it’s a human; and if it’s not a person, what is it, a tadpole? To make
this argument even more valuable, is an excerpt from The Divine, “Before
I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth
out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto
the nations” (Jer 1:5). So it’s obvious that a termination of life
in the belly of a woman is not a light thing, for that person’s life
meant something to God and could very well be planned for great things.
Another example is also found in the bible, this time not of a prophet
but an irreligious secular King of Babylon, Cyrus. It reads, “That saith
of Cyrus, He is my shepherd, and shall perform all my pleasure:
even saying to Jerusalem, Thou shalt be built; and to the temple, Thy
foundation shall be laid” (Isa 44:28). This was clear word from God
of a man who would set the Israelites free to return to Jerusalem and
re-build their temple. But notice how accurate things are planned and
how things really are, hundreds of years (701 B.C) before this actually
happened (538 B.C) the man’s actual name was given. Nothing, not even
science, can get more accurate than that. The actual name of the man,
Cyrus, was given before he was born; and also what he would do. According
to Easton Bible dictionary, he “was a conqueror of Babylon, and issued
the decree of liberation to the Jews (Ezr 1:1-2). Cyrus was a great
military leader, bent on universal conquest. Babylon fell before his
army on the night of Belshazzar's feast (Dan 5:30), and then the ancient
dominion of Assyria was also added to his empire.” Think what would
happen if he was aborted, Israel wouldn’t have gone free and the second
temple built. So, both the so-called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are orchestrated
to be born by God and each man’s destiny begins before the womb, but
his life begins there and can be terminated there. To terminate his
life from the womb under “choice,” is to terminate his purpose, which
is simply apart of a greater purpose. These bloody doctors are playing
God at the authorization of our legislature. Will God be silent on the
matter? Ironically, as you have been doing, you be the judge. Everyone knows King Solomon, the wisest man that ever lived, he wasn’t the direct product of rape but the relations from which he came has a similar disdain to it. His mother (Bathsheba) being forced into by David, while her husband was sent to be killed by David. The child of that incident died, but that same stigma could also be attached to Solomon, the next child David and Bathsheba had. But regardless of the negativity surrounding Solomon, God loved him and he prospered as one of the wisest, richest and mightiest kings ever. David could have terminated his relationship with Bathsheba or Solomon’s life after all this and we wouldn’t have what we have today from Solomon. Hence, rape and Incest is not an excuse, adoption is a viable option. The bible gave the remedy, Abstinence! Don’t have unplanned sex, don’t have unplanned pregnancies. And the only planned sex you can have is between two consenting adults of the opposite sex who are married; the rarity and exception is rape. Even with the latter case, no funding should be provided by the government for murder. Adoption is a viable option and made extra-ordinarily easy by the local agencies and also by the vast number of stable traditional couples, who can’t have children, that want a new born to adopt. You might ask, “How can a girl give up her own baby for adoption and go through life never knowing what is happening to her child?” Which is better to remember, "I gave my baby life. And because I loved him, I gave him into the arms of a loving couple" - or to remember, "I selfishly ended my baby's life?" If you as a person begin to think about abortion, you are premeditating murder and should desist such thoughts, for you would not only be killing another human life, you’d be killing your self – “But the murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death” (Rev 21:8). POLYGAMYThe term simply means having more than one wife, practice among Mormons and muslims. It would seem a harmless practice if it can be afforded by the man; and some use the Old Testament of the Bible to justify it. However, those verses are not rightly divided in light of the New Testament. If that was done you would come to the correct conclusion that polygamy is wrong, “unbiblical” and should be abandon as a vial and legal practice. Yes, the Old Testament had prominent figures that had many wives, but it also has prominent figures that murdered, committed adultery and other evils. Are we to practice those too? No, the word has to be rightly divided. Let us start with this verse, “And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent” (Acts 17:30). Meaning, there was a dispensation that though wrong, God tolerated certain sins we did “because we didn’t know better.” But now commands that we turn (repent) from this and follow the right way, for salvation have come, that is, the entire world. At one time it was okay for a man to marry his sister but when Jewry came, this became wrong (Lev 18). What we should decipher is not the frequency or any other data of biblical polygamy, but whether God warrants it or what is his outline on it. Christ taught us, "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh" (Matt 19:4-6). So from the beginning God’s institution of Marriage was one man to one woman. And God is not imperfect in his ways or changeable in his perfection, so as it was in the beginning so it will always be and the absolute best way. This alone constitute polygamy being wrong, for it violates God’s design, and his ways; and if you love him, you’ll follow his ways. That alone should make one give up the thought – pleasing God and following the best design for our lives. Other biblical reasons would fall under adultery and other sins, though some can be argued. But they are also psychological complications as well that space wouldn’t allow to tell; some I’ve seen on a television program that was exposing it. For instance, one of the women who got out of this sect and marriage lamented her psychological trauma and horror she went through silently, as she tried to cope with sharing her husband. Reason being, it was not God’s design. God’s design is one man one woman and that brings the joy and happiness it should – you are his and he is yours – one flesh. And even though one might be able to afford many wives financially, “one woman is enough for one man,” as Bishop Thomas told us at Slipe Rd. We were simply design that way and can cope with as much as what one spouse can give off, if the relationship is mutually gratifying. These and other biblical and logical reasons make polygamy wrong and discouraged. ADULTERYAdultery is having extramarital affairs. That is, being married yet having sexual relations with someone other than your spouse. This is inherently known to be deadly wrong. One, it can and will shatter a relationship to the point of murder. Two, it is eternally and spiritually wrong, a sin that will send you burning in the lake of fire forever. We are taught, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” (Heb 13:4) and "therefore take heed to your spirit…for the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away" (Mal 2:15-16). Rev 21:8 makes it even plainer by saying, “the abominable…shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” So avoid this stupid sin. Begin by fleeing all appearances of evil – uncomfortable situations, sexy dressing, flirting, etc. It’s just not worth it! Also, this is the reason we should “make the final choice of a marital partner very carefully and prayerfully…never impulsively or recklessly. You are playing for keeps now” (Dr. J. D.). DIVORCE AND REMARRIAGEThe other day in 2005 I saw this reality T.V show with Pop Princess Britney Spears, now Federline. She said something on this show that in former times, as a God-fearing person, would get me very angry. She said, “I had sex three times today.” I felt puzzled, why am I not very angry at this hedonism [yet I have weak inclinations], only slightly perturbed? Because what she said wasn’t wrong or dirty, but absolutely correct. She had sex three times, but it was with her husband. Nothing wrong with that, she can have sex a million times, different ways, as wild as she pleases, it is with her husband. That is the only time sex is correct. Sex is good but bad outside of marriage. Other entertainers need to do that, get married and have sex as often as they please and stop fornicating with Tom, Dick, Harry, Mary, Jane and Sue; and sometimes with all of the above at the same time. And even worse, preaching this lifestyle in their songs, shows, movies, etc. The sad part and even worse, is that many totally disrespect God and the institution of Marriage with their stupid multiple divorces, especially with no remorse; Britney herself was previously married. They have helped this divorce decay in America greatly. Just pick up a copy of People Magazine and you’ll be saddened. This ought not be so and is terribly wrong. It has even plagued our church and all aspects of society and by it judgment comes, for “sin is a reproach to any people” (Prov 14:34). Hence, the truth of it must be taught, preached against and upheld. Not only to the unsaved but also to the church, because sometime ago, before writing this Sexuality Series [only parts of the first section], I received an email from a friend who said quite plain, “[church name]…fly the gate!” He was referring to an announcement that a Bishop gave concerning remarriage; it was now okay to do so after years of its ban. He noted also that many were so outraged that they walked out. I promised him and others that I would do my research and give my two cents on the matter seeing I’m about to go that route. So here is the irrefutable truth. We are correctly and sternly taught, "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife" (1 Cor 7:10-11). It can’t get any clearer than that! Why can’t we obey God and escape judgment (Rev 21:8)? What is the matter with us? Why can’t we see that this little pleasure is not worth it? Why can’t we see that we are too carnal and not centered on the greater spiritual pursuit? It even cautioned us that if your marital problems are that great, separate for a while and in separation this proverb will take place and you’ll be rejoined, “absence make the heart grow fonder.” Avoid divorce at all cost. Nothing should be allowed to break your marriage. Another cause of concern to the new convert in a church is this, that is, should they divorce their spouse because they are now saved and the other is “not?” Fortunately, besides the point mentioned in the first section of this sexuality series, Paul also admonishes us about this on our level, and discourage such basis for divorce by saying, "But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife" (1 Cor 7:12,14,16)? Some might say divorce is biblical, citing the Old Testament book of Deuteronomy 24:1-2 and even warrantee it with excuses. Moses said, “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife” (Due 24:1-2). However, Christ says unto us, "Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery" (Matt 19:8-9). Which makes it plain that God hates divorce, wants it to stop; those who do will be punished and it’s better to abstain and wait than marry and divorce. He earlier said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matt 5:32). Again reiterating the “damnableness” and “woeness” of divorce, but still give place to re-marriage because of the evil stubbornness of our hearts, allowing it only if your spouse committed adultery. Even worse, if you marry a divorce person, except for this cause, you and that new person is committing adultery and are on your way to a red hot hell’s fire. It’s best to ask a divorced person if their previous marriage was annulled because their partner was unfaithful than to quickly marry a divorced person; as seen, if this was not the cause of the annulment then you marrying that person will be committing adultery with them. The only exception is if her husband died, "The wife [or husband] is bound by the law as long as her husband [or his wife] liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Cor 7:39). So re-marriage is permissible only if your spouse died or the marriage is annulled because of a proven case of infidelity. It might also be encouraged because one was joined to another and in frequent sexual relations, whereby the absence of such might create a vacuum to which the Devil might constantly use for temptation to sexual sin; over and above the average temptations. Also, because, “idle hands are a tool for the Devil.” So remarriage is permissible on these grounds, but the often course that leads to it should be avoided, is damned and leads to death eternal, that is, divorce. I’ll end this section by astutely quoting Dr. Dobson on the matter. One, “Divorce brings such loneliness to children that its pain is difficult to describe or even contemplate…time does not heal their wounds.” So another selfish thing adults do and thoroughly need to consider before divorcing or even marriage, and stick in the marriage because of it, is the children. Consider greatly before marriage and abstain and wait before marriage and divorce, because your reckless attitude can adversely affect this generation and breed many emotionally unbalanced and delinquent kids in our already turmoil society. Do it for them even! One source noted, “'More than a third of American Children experience their parents’ divorce before reaching 18,' reports Journal of Instructional Psychology. 'In general,' says the Journal, 'children who have recently experienced a family dissolution have a more difficult time with academic and social expectations at school than children from intact families or established single-parent or blended families…Additionally, parental divorce often affects the child’s sense of emotional well being and self-esteem'” (Awake, handed to me 2005). Two, “I would not minimize the distressing ‘soul-hunger’ that women so frequently describe, but I say this: Divorce is not the answer to it!” Three, “Divorce merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind.” And fourth and last quote from Mr. Dobson, “set your jaw and clench your fists. Nothing short of death must ever be permitted to come between the two of you. Nothing!” Oh, one more for the celebrities, “The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him” (Cher, BCC Observer Feb 2005). Kind of very true, no substance behind the marriage, pure infatuation, so it ends in divorce; especially if you’re a celebrity and think everyone is falling heads or hell for you, then when that infatuation is ended you get divorce and marry the next “infatuee” – by the way, there’s a judgment for that, it’s called HELL’S FIRE! WIDOWHOODA widow (female) or widower (male) is someone who has a marital spouse that died; and now they are single again. Paul gives us a blunt thesis to those in widowhood, “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I [unmarried]” (1 Cor 7:8). He said this because ‘time is short,’ and we should really be overtly concerned with winning souls and ministering to the body, rather than thinking about the flesh; as he was. However, he also knew that many weren’t as “strong” as he is so in the very next verse he said, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1 Cor 7:8). He went further to say in 1 Tim 5:9-14 &16, “Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work. But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully....If any man or woman that believeth have widows, let them relieve them, and let not the church be charged; that it may relieve them that are widows indeed.” He made sure to emphasize not to put them on the widow board or esteem them as widow under 60 years old, because satan will tempt above average and we should strive never to give place to the enemy; so let them re-marry, as stated in the above section. This is basically the rap on persons who have a decease marital spouse. CONCLUSIONThe blunt conclusion of the whole matter is this, if you’re young, single and burning it is absolutely okay to get married as stated by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:9: Especially if you are tempted to act upon that burning after much distress and hence, for sex outside of marriage you’ll really be burning in hell’s fire – Heb 13:4. However, rather than rash reaction to burning, then get married, wait a while and employ the procedure taught in the Sexuality Series number 2. Nevertheless, the best thing you can do is give up marriage for the sake of Christ. Whereby Christ could have said, “And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life”(Matt 19:29 & Luke 14:26). This is the utmost sacrifice and thoroughly encouraged. However, not all can attain to it as Christ himself also said, “But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs [those who take the oat of celibacy – no sex for life], which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it” (Matt 19:11-12). Nevertheless, there is a wisdom in being like Paul, even for widows, I would love God to open your eyes to see. Don’t get me wrong, “lifelong love is within your grasp. It is achievable, even in this selfish, materialistic era.” But what I’m trying to say Paul said in 1 Cor 7:37-40, “Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better. The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.” What we really need to be is less carnal, though difficult in this sex driven society, and be more spiritual. Spiritual to the point we can mortify the deeds of the flesh and see that God is better than sex and marriage and crave greater and greater for him and more of his word; to the point marriage become secondary and can also confess, “the zeal of thine house has eaten me up.” Marital sex is so an earthly vanity that he would have instilled it only for reproductive purposes and the plain fact of Matt 22:30, which is mirrored in Mark 12:35 and Luke 20:34-35 shows its little importance relative to our true spiritual self, “And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage.” This clearly shows where our priorities should be, with the spiritual, getting saved and growing in the Lord. It clearly shows that God is far better than Marriage and sex and should be first gained; making marriage secondary. “How could we have expected to preserve the symbiotic relationship between men and women when the rules governing our sexual behavior were turned upside down? [God, salvation and piety first, marriage secondary] Family disintegration was inevitable” (Dr. J. D.). Put the horse before the carriage and even if you don’t have a carriage you have a horse and will be going places. Abstain and wait and even if no marriage, God is better than it. One last advice on Marriage before closing. After God, think about this before stepping into marriage: “The pressures of adolescence and the stress of early married life do not mix well. Finish the first before taking on the second. Do not try to go to college, work full-time, have a baby, manage a toddler, fix up a house and start a business at the same time. Many couples do just that and are surprised when their marriage falls apart. Materialism and debt have devastated more families than perhaps any other factor” (Dr. J. D.). Marriage is hard work preparing for, I took that seriously as a youth and bought and read many books while courting the “love of my life.” In fact, I was so serious that after a long late night conversation with her in 1999 I picked up Dr. Dobson’s book, “Love for a lifetime,” read it off that night and made foot note commentaries on every page at the bottom for her. I then mailed it to her for her to write her foot note commentaries at the top, which she did and mailed back: Both learning and teaching and preparing for marriage. Such seriousness is needed in youths today on a serious matter as marriage. We even courted closely for years and never over-stepped the boundaries to sex, by God’s grace and giving heed to what we had biblically learnt. It is from that book I make many quotes in this Sexuality Series too. Marriage is serious and for life; at the initial stages, regardless of the out come, it should be taken seriously. From this also, a skeptic seeing my age (1 Tim 4:12) and without the marital qualification can be quieted on the many true insight given in this sexuality series. I’m just a student of my teachers Christ and Paul. Christ was unmarried and taught extensively on marriage, Paul was unmarried and taught extensively on marriage also; despite heretics today who want to say otherwise. The institution of marriage is not a experience doctrine, it is God’s design and hence what is given is what he intends and it fits perfectly, because he designed it; not necessarily learning by being in the institution itself to teach it, as Paul was, but get the blue print from the designer (God) and give it to you the reader. In closing, you might also say this teaching is either weird or hard cutting preaching, let me close with a proverb from a man who has ‘been there and done that’ more than all – King Solomon – “He that reproveth a scorner getteth to himself shame: and he that rebuketh a wicked man getteth himself a blot. Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning” (Prov 9:7-9).
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